Renata Carmen Writes

We all need to give ourselves some positive self-talk every now and then...... i am gorgeous inside and out i am sexy without a doubt i am witty i am fun and spontaneous i am strong i am brave and courageous i am intelligent, always curious i like to fix things i’m a gearhead (no really i’m serious!) i am unique i am creative i am quiet and understated i am simple i am natural (make-up is overrated) i’m a survivor, outliving others RIP my fallen sisters and brothers i’m the one who got away but also the one who always gets caught i cannot be stolen or bought music is my essence dance is my being my third eye’s open and seeing it's so liberating, so freeing i’m a lover, not a fighter a back scratcher and biter smartass, narrator, and (of course) writer always seeking truth, knowledge, and answers to eradicate hate, ignorance, and cancers some days, the world beats ya down gotta pump up the Ego and flip-turn that frown cuz emotions like sadness and anger will only blind you and put y...

I present my first massive, first guest list, first Raver's Digest article: Electric Daisy Carnival, June 30th, 2001 (Hansen Dam, SoCali son!).  Re-reading this for the first time in years, I sound kind of smug (and this was before I was an Angry Junglist!), and certain aspects of the author's mindset are so foreign to me now it almost seems like a different person wrote it. But I was young, and very proud of the underground... and I guess in many ways I still am. Here it is, in all of its unedited glory. Enjoy. 16 years old and kandi beaded up! Note: I was known as NadaClu, hence the nickname, and this was when we had pagers, before cell phones got big, so each Raver's Digest staff member had a designated pager code ID number, mine was 31.  I've been going to small parties ever since I went to my first rave in '99. The biggest party I'd ever been to had around 6000 capacity. I'd tried many times to make it to a massive, but failed ...

Originally written on a scrap of paper coming down off of gawd-knows-what, back when I was getting deep into the SoCal Rave Scene. A beautiful piece of teenage rebellion against conformity.  let me melt into the carpet and seep into the floor scrape me off the ceiling and make me whole once more untangle me from these spider webs i so lazily spun myself set me daintily on a cloud so i can float through life with stealth toy with my hair feed bittersweet thoughts into my ear take me far from this place because im sick of being here don’t let them transform me into the fraud they think i should be i’ll keep rebelling against the system til i die or lose my sanity if i can hold myself together then i’ll stay strong if i keep my mind open i can never be too wrong let me continue to be a shock as long as i have energy let me walk tall while being the individual known as me

reset flow so good you'll want to read it slowly hand crafted for you by the one and the only renata hernandez a.k.a. number thirty-one (she braids werdz into poetry just for fun) its been such a long day, am i ready for a long nite? my mind's beginning to fray and body feels wound and tite but i think i can rebound for the night cuz 26c knows how to put the sound and vibe together right i round up the homies and we take flight for the Orion and to my delight there's no line at all, just the usual slight gathering of promoters standing near the door always handing out more and more flyers to passerbyers by the score we pass through security and enter: the first floor where house pours through speakers, bass cabinets and onto the floor leaving behind a muck that's crusty and unsure a constant reminder of raves from before i scrape it off my shoes as i walk upstairs to check out the funky trance that blares into people's faces it erases any traces of d...

faltering in her silent steps she cries aloud. the light overwhelms the senses. come darkness! save me from the truth. envelop me with your star-studded veil. don't let her see our technicolor dreams, for her plastic thoughts will pollute the universe, and she will only smile

(originally written on the back of scheduling sheets from a Mann theater I worked at) he calls out to the sweeping patterns painted upon the sky confusion sends him spinning off course the colors won't stop bleeding into each other so how could he possibly stay within the lines? everything's all chaos there's too many angles where there should be curves delusions crowd his head all screaming at each other, insisting that they be heard "shut up!" he shouts "i am in control!" nothingness laughs back at him, so loud that silence builds to an unbearable level something inside him snaps and the Transformation is complete or is he even changing? too many questions for too small a space he can feel the air molecules pressing in on all sides he tries to fight it but something tells him to let go that arguing with gravity and other such forces of nature would only end with him getting hurt so he relaxes and allows himself to melt into the breeze in doing so he be...

March 3 rd 2008 City of Angels: Underground style jungle party in LA!!!!!  Jungle jungle jungle!!!!  My heart races, thoughts pound, feet skip, as we near the brick building on the corner of Broadway and 38th in downtown.  My City of Angels.....its so good to be back!  Too long have I been chasing the mainstream scene in the Inland Empire and Hollywood, too long have I neglected my underground roots for big names and bottle service.  Now here we are, back on the streets where my love, my addiction to BASS all started.  I am excited to be back here, and the feeling only grows as I near the front entrance and suddenly hear barred windows shake and rattle with a bassdrop released from within.  My belly tingles, and I can't wait to be inside.  I already know in my head what it will look like.  We will enter thru the frontdoor (hurry up get inside, no standing in the street u will burn the venue!!!), and only guys will be searched, and e...

...fucking sleep the gears in my head just won't stop turning yearning for apexes and curves racing the birds towards the heavens embracing the mountains words cannot describe the longing i feel in my soul i feel whole when rubber and steel are at my command embrace the wheel in my hands twisting and turning nature's demands and lady luck are my only concerns discerning my beloved free from thinking all instinct like breathing or blinking chase the sun till its sinking then into the night you try to follow all you see are taillights and im gone smiling at your feeble attempts repeat your rinsed out style is spent long before i've even started so go join the other ricers and dearly departed ill say a prayer for you next time we meet just as soon as i have her back on her feet i anticipate that day like a kid's christmas already have a mile long wish list a never ending process this game we play but i wouldn't have it any other way

very old school style prose, like my pre Hip-hop days.. enjoy! "Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference." -Robert Frost i dream in fermented grains of wild plains and untamed mountains challenging freight trains snow covered passes spring's fragile grasses summer's warm, flirtatious embrace and chilled glasses filled to the brim may your cup over-floweth fellow wanderer, explorer, artist, and poet go boldly forth into the unknown leave behind your family, loved ones, and home and bear witness to scenes few others have seen forge your own path create your own dreams and chase them down despite how overwhelming adversity seems you will experience hunger you will know heartache and pain you will face wildfire and tumultuous rain you may not survive you may never come back but to overcome is to thrive thru suffering and lack we learn who we are our weaknesses and strengths our boundaries our ability to p...

i finished this right before moving from Southern California to Boulder County: today is grey quiet and sullen a reflection of my soul heavy and swollen weighted with questions topics and emotions heavy as anchors and deep as oceans tumultuous storms wash over my mind drowning clarity struggling to find my way, my path fighting for breath among the waves’ wrath the shore I once knew and loved so well is ravaged and torn a reflection of hell where is the heaven i once called home oh Los Angeles what have we done? where is the promise of golden prosperity opportunity for all the tired and poor we became a charity spread ourselves too thin now the infrastructure is disintegrating from within the cost of living is inflated the local workforce is degraded underpaid overworked tired and jaded business is fleeing in droves driven off by taxes that never trickle down just look at the roads throughout this town projects lay partially completed and take decades to finish this state is depleted t...

I was trying to find this on the Ravers Digest archive but it is not there and that made me sad. So I decided to post it here so I can find it when I want. An oldie but a goodie, from a time in my life that I thought of for a few years as "closed". But I learned there is no such thing as a "semi-retired raver", and I find myself still going out when I can find a worthy enough event and my body allows me to indulge in such activities. Enjoy the article! The night of Mardi Gras 4 was perfect. It started with getting from north of LA to San Bernardino in a record time of one hour and ten minutes, and ended with getting a green and white piece of kande that reads "I love ganja" from an adorable little girl at her first rave. But I am getting ahead of myself. I got off work that night earlier than expected, hyper and excited for Mardi Gras 4. I had been waiting all week for this evening to come, and now it was finally here! It felt like Christma...

-This was featured in the July issue of 2010. For those who aren't familiar with this mag (http://www.autorestorermagazine.com/ar/), Auto Restorer is a low budget monthly periodical that is geared towards the old school domestic crowd. It's filled with wonderful how to's, tips, tricks, and other such information. Anyways, my article is slated for a series they have been running called "Gearheads Under 30", where young mechanics submit bios and pictures of their work.  I hope you enjoy this article. Huge thanks to Jason Simons for his tireless assistance with the editing! Before I tell you about myself I would like to take a few moments to introduce you to my car—she is far more important anyhow; without her I am but a lowly ape that happens to possess a modest tool collection. How does one begin to describe the enigma known as the Toyota MR2? Well, one way to start is by examining the specs and history of the vehicle. There are three main gener...

This was written several years ago, on a day spent with some very influential gearheads in my life at that time. I just came across this and laughed, because its true: “So I have discovered a new addiction: Cars. I have become bitten by the bug. Now, don’t get me wrong I have always loved cars, I work on them, I read about them, and until this very moment considered myself to be a “gearhead”. But today I hung out with kids my own age or younger who are actually living, eating, breathing, dreaming it. Working in garages on their Corollas and Hatches. Spending their time scraping money together for parts and track time and tires. Yeah, they party, but that is not their primary goal from day to day. I have spent the last 10 years chasing one rave, one party, to the next.... And I could have been spending my time running canyons and building motors instead. People bitch about living in this shithole Antelope valley, and yes it is not the most exciting place to live. But if you...

i walk the streets of the city it greets the nitty-gritty day in and day out while we struggle to be pretty if i could i would leave this vain existence behind become one with the bricks and cement that i find as my feet lead me in the direction they desire i'd grow old with the steel fences and barbed wire many are inspired by tall trees and mist shrouded mountains but i am moved by well worn bridges and whispering fountains so let the rivers of afar meander on their way i'm gonna seek solace in the arms of the city for today..................

"my car is like my own personal universe she's my drug and it only takes 12 bucks to fill 'er up and in my galaxy there ain't no room for earth so i'm leavin it cuz i can feel my oil pressure building up turning over the ignition of my solar system check the gauges, push in the tape put my foot on the brake shift existence, light my cigarette and take it state to state until i crash into my fate..." -slug (atmosphere) it doesn't matter what may have happened during the day, i know that The Mountain will always be there for me. i hit the streets in the direction of my favorite local peak, feeling relief at just the thought of traversing its glorious twists and turns. a pang of excitement runs thru me like electricity as it comes into view. regardless of how many times i have been up here, i get the butterflies as i enter the canyon and accelerate into the great abyss. all my problems dissipate as i turn into the apex. i feel the stress and...

i stretch myself slowly out of winter’s bitter slumber coaxed awake by the calling of spring and all her empty promises thunderheads swell on the horizon roll thru the sky with threats of thunder and lightning expressing their anger in loud, frightening gestures unleashing warm rains, awakening rivers and springs then suddenly they are gone dissipated leaving behind nourished refreshed bursting life joyful and glorious in all of its abundance the embrace of the warm breeze the vivid colors of the land and sky the touch of the golden sun against my skin i want to soak it all up max out all six of my senses the rolling hills the breath of the trees stirring in the restless air the calls of lazy insects it all culminates in a beauty that’s almost painfully overwhelming i can’t believe i am here in this place at this precise moment in time wandering freely and without care like this day will last forever stretching out into one endless season of sunlight and laughter and bold exploration f...