Renata Carmen Writes

     Every week day, at about 4am, a neighbor down the street starts his car up before his morning commute. Under normal circumstances, this wouldn’t be a problem. It would simply be a mundane part of someone else’s routine that would go unnoticed. However, this gent is a gearhead, like many in the neighborhood. One who likes vehicles with exceptionally loud, throaty, large displacement engines. As a fellow speed freak and car lover, I get the affinity for such creations. I’ve worked on Nascar level race cars at Irwindale, and clung to the chain link fence at Pomona while top fuel cars fly by at hundreds of miles per hour. It’s more addictive than sugar, and twice as sweet. What I don’t get is people who feel the need to drive the loudest car in the neighborhood when they’re one of the first to get up. It wouldn’t bother me as much if he didn’t sit there warming it up for at least 20 minutes before heading off. Idle? More like a minor earthquake!    ...

     These strange, uncertain times are the source of much anxiety and paranoia for the entire world tribe. For the first time in memory, we’ve been forced to come together to face a common enemy, one that transcends borders, ideals, beliefs, socio-economics, and all those other arbitrary human associations. But we aren’t coming together in an epic Kumbaya moment. This tragedy is bringing out the best as well as the worst in people. Perhaps one of these darker aspects is the apparently inherent need to hoard resources. This has transformed a trip to the grocery store into more of a battle than an errand.      On top of that, I’m immunocompromised, so leaving my quiet, safe, hilltop to handle necessities gets scarier each time. I feel like I’m testing my luck each time, and I know the more you tempt Lady Luck, the more likely she is to switch from friend to foe. So, I’ve been up since dawn, finalizing my list complete with alternate options in cas...

My name is Renata Carmen. I’m a 35 year old California based freelance writer who has been negatively impacted by the new AB5 bill. This law was enacted with the idea it would protect those who desire employee over contract employment status in situations where it’s been unfairly denied them. This is an important and noble cause, and I’m in no way attacking it. However, because the law is written so broadly, many freelance workers who don’t need these protections, including artists and writers, are suffering as a result. Under the new law, freelance writers are now limited to a paltry 35 submissions per year to each company. That’s only 2-3 per month, when many of us need to produce 2-3 per day in order to make a living. I was able to work as much as I desire, with an endless amount of material at my disposal. Now, I find myself in a position of losing my primary source of income and risking becoming obsolete. In the internet age, it’s almost impossible to keep up with any genre when o...

My whole life, I’ve wanted to be someone else. I’ve always struggled with feeling like I’m too short or too fat or too hairy or too sickly or too insecure or too anxious or too dumb or too this or too that or not enough of anything to be worth loving as I am. This constant pursuit of trying to escape myself has translated into my career as well. I’ve always wanted to be one of the guys. Not in a gender identification sort of way, I actually have always been satisfied with and identified with being born female, despite all the woes and heartache and pain that comes with being born a natural woman -- something I am truly feeling as of late (oh the joys of the changes that come in the mid-thirties). No, when I say that I want to be one of the guys, it means that I have always enjoyed “guy” stuff more than “girl” stuff. Instead of playing house and dress-up, I climbed trees and played “Cowboys and Indians.” As I got older, I fell in love with cars , and found myself in automotive trade...

I’ve had mixed feelings about turning 35 this year. Mostly, I’ve felt overwhelmed by a mixed sense of dread, regret, and remorse. I start thinking really negative thoughts and questioning all the decisions I've made up until this point, only focusing on my mistakes...then I realize these are the Critic’s thoughts, not truly my own, and I step back to reconsider my current state of existence. I may not have all my affairs in order, primarily when it comes to finances, but I’m not a shitty person who is sucking at life. I’m just going through a challenging time. Challenging times are never pleasant in the moment, but they always lead to something better. They make us stronger, help us grow and solve problems that were hindering us before. So, I know in my heart that I will get through this. I’m too damned stubborn for anything else. All I know is survival -- but more than that, I demand the best of myself and to thrive, not just make ends meet. We learn more from our mistakes, and I...

I awoke to the sounds of my father yelling. Groggy, confused, hungover, and bleary eyed, I glared over at the alarm clock to see what time it was. What the fuck? It wasn't even 10 am – then still considered a “quiet” part of the day, in a house full of night owls and partying teens at various stages in life. As the oldest of the three girls, I was really the primary partier in the household at the time, but everyone except my Mom had a tendency to sleep late unless work, school, or some other responsibility deemed otherwise. Little did my family suspect that we would all wind up living in this house together again several years down the line - this time as adults recovering from the crashing economy in 2007, all but myself married, and my two sisters both pregnant. Three couples and one stubbornly single person sharing a small house, it was crazy and awful and marvelous all at the same time. Funny how life works. None of us would have willingly chosen that lifestyle. But, when the...

Fresh out the current "Black Book" - which actually has a pink/gold plaid pattern on the cover hehe - I present this piece to you, just written yesterday :) Hope you enjoy! “ Insatiable” Your words still burn like poison in my ears How do I rid myself of your ill intent? Hell bent on destruction Misery loves broken down company Fuck 'em Fuck you and all the rest of the Haters trying to put me down at my best You are like fire I won't get too near you again out of concern you'll burn Consume a hunger that never ends You don't see so long as you only Take, and never Give You will remain Insatiable for as long as you live... R.C.H. Thanks so much for reading!!! Poetry and free writing are such great ways for me to process some of the heavier things in life and get stuff off my chest :) Don't let the Haters get you down. Keep on keepin' on with yo' bad self <3 <3 <3 *Love & Light* Renata Carmen

This post I would like to highlight a personal hero of mine - Neil Young! <3  I've been listening to this dude since the womb (literally) and got to see him perform for the first time recently in Essex for the launch of his Monsanto Years tour.  It was a life changing experience that still brings tears to my eyes when I recall it, but I'll be writing more in detail about that concert later, along with Mr. Young's current fight to aid Vermont as it undergoes a major lawsuit from the shady, scary powerful big corporate alliance known as the " Grocery Manufacturer's Association " - Mansanto and Starbucks being the primary companies within this group currently under his attack.  First, I want to focus on Neil Young as a person - what makes him tick; who/what made him the powerful, loving soul that he his today; how his creative process works. Right before going to see him play up by Lake Champlain, I heard an enlightening interview he did with Howard Stern a...

(Started writing this on Friday, had to take lots of breaks to finish it to my standards and add hyperlinks/pics, so it's going up on Saturday afternoon, 7-27) The Supreme Court just ruled in favor of same sex marriage!!!! What a way to close out an epic week for progress! I learned rather belatedly that the feds cut off funding to the DEA for medical cannabis raids late last year, due to recent back lash from the Justice Department. Come on guys, just let it go already! Stop fucking with sick people and our right to choose our symptom management!  You'll come around eventually.  It was a close decision, 5-4, but history has been made on this day here in this country. My mind is totally blown . I had no idea this was going on, as I don't watch the news, and avoid it online (not on Facebook, my homepage is Google). Especially when the Fibromyalgia is kicking my ass like it has been for the last few weeks (boo). The decision was based upon the 14 th Amendment, and fro...

This is an old poem circa 2002 or so. I'm finally undertaking a long project and digitizing crates of poetry I've been carrying with me for years. Some of it goes as far back as the 5th grade! This one still stands out as a favorite, and I've been thinking of it recently due to some challenging interpersonal situations. Personally, I'm still stoked on the wordplay on this one :) Hope you enjoy it too! Fake Faltering in her silent steps she cries aloud. The light overwhelms the senses. Come, darkness! Save me from the truth. Envelop me with your star-studded veil. Don't let her see our technicolor dreams. For her plastic thoughts will ruin the universe, and she will only smile. -R.C.H. Thanks for reading! *Love & Light* Renata Carmen Please, if you find any value from this blog, please consider making a donation to the PayPal link at the top right of the page. I don't create these posts expecting anything but to help/entertain others, but I am a disabled mech...

Today, people across the globe people will be celebrating The 4/20 Holiday, and in this great year of our lord 2015, we do have a lot to celebrate! After over 70 insane years we're finally seeing some progress towards the end of Cannabis Prohibition!!!! We've legalized medical use of Cannabis in 23 states , with nine more pending, along with its recreational use in two states , with an estimated 10 more pending. People of all ages and from all walks of life are openly discussing spiritual and medical uses of Ayahuasca, MDMA, and Psilocin - topics that were only for the wild fringe just five years ago. This makes me more optimistic than I could have ever hoped to be that in my lifetime we will continue seeing much needed change in the way we view and manage mind altering substances.  Hmm...haven't we been down this road before? But, we must not get complacent. We must remember there are still many states and nations that do not yet have safe access to Cannabis, even medica...

It has been entirely too long since i have written anything, on here or paper or anywhere. i am going thru some pretty heavy health stuff and instead of writing about it, i  locked up, and have been really struggling to express myself over the last year or so. i probably won't get into any details on here about it. i should start another blog for that sort of writing and research, i just haven't fully convinced myself yet. but i have started writing again almost daily over the last week, and i think i got the juices flowing again, which is a huge relief because i think all artists fear they will wake up one day and no longer be able to express themselves in the ways that they find satisfactory. i don't feel like a whole person when i am not writing. so i am grateful to say that after this long silence i have two brand spankin new pieces to share with you today, one was started last week, both were finished this morning. i hope you enjoy them, i will post them next in separa...

i woke up early this morning before my alarm with heavy thoughts on my mind. America is under siege and its citizens are just passively observing its destruction. i am extremely disturbed by the complacency and apathy of today’s youth. why are we not up in arms in the streets? with this amazing tool we call the Internet, mobilization is easier and more possible now more than ever before. we can research all sides of an argument in an instant, we can verify facts and claims with a speed previously undreamed of. the blazing sword of truth is capable of cutting down the wielders of deceit and lies, if only it is picked up and used properly. yet we sit at home in front of the teli, eating up the misinformation spoon fed to us by the mainstream media. we sit complacently and complain about our problems and the things that bother us on forums and social media sights and say “yes but what can i do?”. “there are so many things wrong, where would one begin? what’s the point of focusing on all ...