Renata Carmen Writes

5/21/2020, 7:20AM - I should be in bed still, next to my man sleeping past nine, like the night owls we are. Instead, I find myself bowled over with pain, gingerly sipping sparkling water and clinging to my bong like it's a life-preserver. My IBS has been flaring up again in ways I haven’t experienced since the initial onset of my Fibromyalgia in 2011. It feels like I swallowed poison, or a nuclear bomb went off in my abdomen. The pain is sharp and intense, and makes me cry out when it grips my insides with clawed hands. But, chaos has no mercy, and this is my burden to bear. Like Paul, I’ve asked God/Chaos/whoever/whatever’s up there to take it away. But, this is my roll of the dice, and there's no taking it back this karmic go-around. It’s exhausting, to be honest. I can barely keep my eyes open. The only things keeping me awake right now are pain, nausea, and the feeling I may need to use the bathroom. Again. For the millionth time in the last 35 minutes. Before 2011, I did...

  From someone who's been living a home-based lifestyle for ten years.      It’s been 33 days since I started self-isolating because of the COVID-19 pandemic, and as things currently stand here in Los Angeles, we will continue following Safe at Home practices for another 45 days at the very least. For some parts of the world it’s been longer than others, but we’re all on stand-still indefinitely and struggling to cope as a result. Airwaves are filled with celebrities and talk show hosts remarking at how isolating, mundane, and boring being homebound is. It’s common to hear phrases such as, “We’re alone...together,” and “adjusting to a new normal,” along with tongue-in cheek-conversations questioning which day it is, and remarking on the now irrelevant concept of a “weekend.” When there’s no change in schedule and nowhere to go, it doesn’t really matter what day it is. It’s so weird hearing the whole world talk like this, because those are phrases I’ve heard be...

3/20/2020, 1:45PM - Last night, Los Angeles implemented a Safe At Home policy for the next 30 days. It was announced hours after the second death in LA County related to COVID-19. He was just 34 years old, and a testicular cancer survivor. He also had asthma. He started coughing up blood before they got him to ER, where they administered the same anti-virals they use to treat Ebola. He started to make a come-back, but fell back into it and wound up passing away. Apparently, he had been in Florida for business, and stayed a few extra days to visit Disney World before flying back home. Poor guy. This shit is fucking terrifying for me though. It just got really real and makes me grateful I started self-isolation a week before that thought was even on anyone else’s radar. But still, I find myself shaking with panic. If someone with asthma had issues, what will that mean for someone with Fibromyalgia? Granted, he also had struggled with the Big C, which puts him at a whole other level of ri...

     I’m in the midst of my annual Spring Fibromyalgia Flare, and with that comes a whole host of symptoms. They’re comprised of ones you’re probably heard of, like chronic fatigue, pain, and IBS. Flares also bring more random symptoms, like horrific colds sores despite being herpes simplex free, and incredibly vivid dreams. Dreams so incredibly detailed, upon awakening you’d swear you’d been sleeping and dreaming for weeks. So vivid that I’ve felt rain soaked cobblestones under my bare feet, and the warm rays of the sun soaking into my skin under a bright blue sky. In my dreams, I’ve coordinated and executed vast cross-country moves, family reunions, and graduations. I’m not the only one to experience Flare Dreams. My father gets them, who was diagnosed with Vogt-Koyanagi-Harada in 1996, and I’ve shared anecdotal evidence with fellow chronically ill people online. Why this happens, like so much else of these illnesses, is a grand mystery. My personal theory is it ...

Women experience three general stages in life: Maiden, Mother, and Crone. The Crone represents wisdom, experience, and the final phase of life for women. In other words, The Crone represents life after menopause. Menopause is an inevitable part of every natural born woman’s life. It takes about ten years to complete from the onset of initial symptoms, known as “perimenopause.” When a woman hasn’t menstruated in more than a year, that is known as menopause. Menopause is actually the easy part, it’s getting through the ten years or so of perimenopause leading up to that point that’s difficult. Hot flashes, night sweats, mood swings, changes in body fat composition, changes in sleeping patterns, increases in anxiety and depression, digestive changes -- all those things you hear about and read about and we make light of like on That 70’s Show and Fried Green Tomatoes. It’s always funny when it’s happening to someone else, but when it starts happening to you, things you once laughed at you ...

Yesterday, I had my first sonohysterogram. It was ordered for a large mass that was spotted on my cervix during a standard ultrasound that my doc needed a “better” view of and possible biopsy. My OB was very vague about what the procedure was, and what to expect. I wanted to be properly prepared, so I looked online, but only found vague descriptions there as well. I wish I had been fully educated about it beforehand - that someone had been real with me and been specific, so I knew what I was getting into. Well ladies, Tia Nata is here to give you the downlow, which I hope will help other women be better prepared for this procedure.  What Is A Sonohysterogram? I don’t want to scare you, but I’m going to be blunt, ladies - a sonohysterogram is a very personal, uncomfortable, and invasive procedure. You can look up the full definition from an actual medical source here , but none of them are honest about what to expect, in my humble opinion. They all say things like, "You'll ...

Some very exciting things have been happening here in Renata Land!  First off, a huge shout-out, and massive thanks to The Speed Girls  for featuring me on their website! It's a beautiful feature, and I am incredibly honored to be considered "The Real Deal" next to all those other badass women they have on there! http://www.thespeedgirls.com/renata-carmen.html Second, I have a new, fancy, official website! So, I will no longer be posting to this blog. I will be keeping this site up until I have archived all the old material on here, but from now on, go to  http://www.renatacarmen.com/  to check out future blog posts, and keep up with my myriad of projects and misadventures! Thank you, faithful readers, for your continued support! It means the world to me and I'm just so excited for things to come :) :) :) *Love & Light* Renata Carmen

Hello there! It's been longer than I prefer since I've last posted on here :/ Between the Neil Young concert my man and I were lucky enough to attend a few weeks ago upstate, being a heat sensitive person in the peak of New England summer (woah, humidity!), and the sudden drop in temps we've had over the last week (WTF, signs of Fall already? Winter is coming!  Ah, Rural Vermont Life), along with a few other health issues I won't get into, I have been pretty laid low. "Low on spoons" as they say ;) But, I'm back on my feet, caught up on a major freelance project I've been trying to hammer out for some time ( Shameless self-plug: Go get a subscription to Auto Restorer magazine! ), and am very excited about everything that is happening right now, including posts for this blog that I've been wanting to get out for some time. Driving Upstate Vermont in Late Summer is a glorious experience! :) A preview of what's to come: - A write-up about the Nei...

(Started writing this on Friday, had to take lots of breaks to finish it to my standards and add hyperlinks/pics, so it's going up on Saturday afternoon, 7-27) The Supreme Court just ruled in favor of same sex marriage!!!! What a way to close out an epic week for progress! I learned rather belatedly that the feds cut off funding to the DEA for medical cannabis raids late last year, due to recent back lash from the Justice Department. Come on guys, just let it go already! Stop fucking with sick people and our right to choose our symptom management!  You'll come around eventually.  It was a close decision, 5-4, but history has been made on this day here in this country. My mind is totally blown . I had no idea this was going on, as I don't watch the news, and avoid it online (not on Facebook, my homepage is Google). Especially when the Fibromyalgia is kicking my ass like it has been for the last few weeks (boo). The decision was based upon the 14 th Amendment, and fro...

Been in a pretty rough spot the last few weeks or so due to a flare in my Fibro . Been having major problems with my arms . Had issues with them in the past, but not to this degree. The muscles, tendons, and joints hurt, ache, burn and my whole arms are very weak and shaky.  To the point where I can barely lift my can of seltzer water (*note to self - get straws*). It's terrifying and frustrating when you've been doing better for a while and then you get debilitated again. And having to manage the pain is the hardest part, not so much the physical side of it, yes that is a huge challenge, but the drugs sure help (" I don't like the drugs, but the drugs like me.") . Although they don't really make me very functional, just take away the urge to have my arms cut off in hopes of alleviating the pain. The harder part, for me anyway, is the mental side of pain. Of waking up in Level 10 pain for weeks straight, being too debilitated to do even little things like va...