Renata Carmen Writes

I present my first massive, first guest list, first Raver's Digest article: Electric Daisy Carnival, June 30th, 2001 (Hansen Dam, SoCali son!).  Re-reading this for the first time in years, I sound kind of smug (and this was before I was an Angry Junglist!), and certain aspects of this article's mindset are so foreign to me now it almost seems like a different person wrote it. But I was young, and very proud of the underground, I guess in many ways I still am. Here it is, in all of its unedited glory. Enjoy. 16 years old and kandi beaded up! Note: I was known as NadaClu, hence the nickname, and this was when we had pagers, before cell phones got big, so each Raver's Digest staff member had a designated pager code ID number, mine was 31.  I've been going to small parties ever since I went to my first rave in '99. The biggest party I'd ever been to had around 6000 capacity. I'd tried many times to make it to a massive, but failed due t

circa 2001 let me melt into the carpet and seep into the floor scrape me off the ceiling and make me whole once more untangle me from these spider webs i so lazily spun myself set me daintily on a cloud so i can float through life with stealth toy with my hair feed bittersweet thoughts into my ear take me far from this place because im sick of being here don’t let them transform me into the fraud they think i should be i’ll keep rebelling against the system til i die or lose my sanity if i can hold myself together then i’ll stay strong if i keep my mind open i can never be too wrong let me continue to be a shock as long as i have energy let me walk tall while being the individual known as me

circa 2008 "my car is like my own personal universe she's my drug and it only takes 12 bucks to fill 'er up and in my galaxy there ain't no room for earth so i'm leavin it cuz i can feel my oil pressure building up turning over the ignition of my solar system check the gauges, push in the tape put my foot on the brake shift existence, light my cigarette and take it state to state until i crash into my fate..." -slug it doesn't matter what may have happened during the day, i know that The Mountain will always be there for me. i hit the streets in the direction of my favorite local peak, feeling relief at just the thought of traversing its glorious twists and turns. and then, a pang of excitement as it comes into view. regardless of how many times i have been up here, i get the butterflies as i enter the canyon and accelerate into the great abyss. all my problems dissipate as i turn into the apex. i feel the stress and negative energy drain from my body, and

9/4/11, 9:49am i cant fuckin write anymore it escapes me just like everything else as i lay here incapacitated capsized and drowning in the pain and distress of this goddamn motherfucking thorn in my side i can’t control it, it controls me every aspect of my life and comfort and way of being and im drowning for the first time i feel like im losing like my stubborn disposition and iron strong will are not enough and i cant seem to wrap my mind around that i fight and fight yet get no where like a bed of quicksand in the jungle and the jaguars are closing in.......... but no this cannot be i will not succumb to this which i dont even understand but i tell you i shout it to the heavens so that it reverberates throughout the universe my intent has never failed me before “but look at others who have said so yet failed” fuck you and your negative bullshit i must cling to this one thought its all i have as my side pounds and splits and cuts me to a million sad little pieces can

January 2003 reset flow so good you'll want to read it slowly hand crafted for you by the one and the only renata hernandez a.k.a. number thirty-one (she braids werdz into poetry just for fun) its been such a long day, am i ready for a long nite? my body's beginning to fray and it feels wound and tite but i think i can rebound for the night cuz 26c knows how to put the sound and vibe together right i round up the homies and we take flight to the orion and to my delight there's no line at all, just the usual slight gathering of promoters standing near the door always handing out more and more flyers to passerbyers by the score we pass through security and enter: the first floor where house pours through speakers, bass cabinets and onto the floor leaving behind a muck that's crusty and unsure a constant reminder of raves from before i scrape it off my shoes as i walk upstairs to check out the funky trance that blares into people's faces it erases any

very old. guessing circa 1998 faltering in her silent steps she cries aloud. the light overwhelms the senses. come darkness! save me from the truth. envelop me with your star-studded veil. don't let her see our technicolor dreams, for her plastic thoughts will ruin the universe, and she will only smile

circa Fall 2001 (originally written on the back of inventory sheets from a Mann theater I worked at) he calls out to the sweeping patterns painted upon the sky confusion sends him spinning off course the colors won't stop bleeding into each other so how could he possibly stay within the lines? everything's all chaos there's too many angles where there should be curves delusions crowd his head all screaming at each other, insisting that they be heard "shut up!" he shouts "i am in control!" nothingness laughs back at him, so loud that silence builds to an unbearable level something inside him snaps and the Transformation is complete or is he even changing? too many questions for too small a space he can feel the air molecules pressing in on all sides he tries to fight it but something tells him to let go that arguing with gravity and other such forces of nature would only end with him getting hurt so he relaxes and allo

March 25 th 2008 i stretch myself slowly out of winter’s bitter slumber coaxed awake by the calling of spring and all her empty promises thunderheads swell on the horizon roll thru the sky with threats of thunder and lightning expressing their anger in loud, frightening gestures unleashing warm rains, awakening rivers and springs then suddenly they are gone dissipated leaving behind nourished refreshed bursting life joyful and glorious in all of its abundance the embrace of the warm breeze the vivid colors of the land and sky the touch of the golden sun against my skin i want to soak it all up max out all six of my senses the rolling hills the breath of the trees stirring in the restless air the calls of lazy insects it all culminates in a beauty that’s almost painfully overwhelming i can’t believe i am here in this place at this precise moment in time wandering freely and without care like this day will last forever stretching out into one endless season of sunlight and laughter and

March 3 rd 2008 City of Angels: Underground style jungle party in LA!!!!!  Jungle jungle jungle!!!!  My heart races, thoughts pound, feet skip, as we near the brick building on the corner of Broadway and 38th in downtown.  My City of Angels.....its so good to be back!  Too long have I been chasing the mainstream scene in the Inland Empire and Hollywood, too long have I neglected my underground roots for big names and bottle service.  Now here we are, back on the streets where my love, my addiction to BASS all started.  I am excited to be back here, and the feeling only grows as I near the front entrance and suddenly hear barred windows shake and rattle with a bassdrop released from within.  My belly tingles, and I can't wait to be inside.  I already know in my head what it will look like.  We will enter thru the frontdoor (hurry up get inside, no standing in the street u will burn the venue!!!), and only guys will be searched, and even then probably just for weapons.  Then we will