Renata Carmen Writes

My whole life, I’ve wanted to be someone else. I’ve always struggled with feeling like I’m too short or too fat or too hairy or too sickly or too insecure or too anxious or too dumb or too this or too that or not enough of anything to be worth loving as I am. This constant pursuit of trying to escape myself has translated into my career as well. I’ve always wanted to be one of the guys. Not in a gender identification sort of way, I actually have always been satisfied with and identified with being born female, despite all the woes and heartache and pain that comes with being born a natural woman -- something I am truly feeling as of late (oh the joys of the changes that come in the mid-thirties). No, when I say that I want to be one of the guys, it means that I have always enjoyed “guy” stuff more than “girl” stuff. Instead of playing house and dress-up, I climbed trees and played “Cowboys and Indians.” As I got older, I fell in love with cars , and found myself in automotive trade...

This post I would like to highlight a personal hero of mine - Neil Young! <3  I've been listening to this dude since the womb (literally) and got to see him perform for the first time recently in Essex for the launch of his Monsanto Years tour.  It was a life changing experience that still brings tears to my eyes when I recall it, but I'll be writing more in detail about that concert later, along with Mr. Young's current fight to aid Vermont as it undergoes a major lawsuit from the shady, scary powerful big corporate alliance known as the " Grocery Manufacturer's Association " - Mansanto and Starbucks being the primary companies within this group currently under his attack.  First, I want to focus on Neil Young as a person - what makes him tick; who/what made him the powerful, loving soul that he his today; how his creative process works. Right before going to see him play up by Lake Champlain, I heard an enlightening interview he did with Howard Stern a...

Hello there! It's been longer than I prefer since I've last posted on here :/ Between the Neil Young concert my man and I were lucky enough to attend a few weeks ago upstate, being a heat sensitive person in the peak of New England summer (woah, humidity!), and the sudden drop in temps we've had over the last week (WTF, signs of Fall already? Winter is coming!  Ah, Rural Vermont Life), along with a few other health issues I won't get into, I have been pretty laid low. "Low on spoons" as they say ;) But, I'm back on my feet, caught up on a major freelance project I've been trying to hammer out for some time ( Shameless self-plug: Go get a subscription to Auto Restorer magazine! ), and am very excited about everything that is happening right now, including posts for this blog that I've been wanting to get out for some time. Driving Upstate Vermont in Late Summer is a glorious experience! :) A preview of what's to come: - A write-up about the Nei...

Well good morning, beautiful piece of poetry I don't remember writing last night :) I'm diggin' the word play and theme of this one. Enjoy!  feeling sick but unbroken these words are spoken by a warrior with Yaqui provokin' the fight in my veins yeah you thought you killed us all off well, guess again we're too damned stubborn and strong to ever be kept down for long you see we've still got the Earth Mother connection Father Sky looking down, sending us lessons so easily missed by those all amiss lost and confused, like you're in a deep mist but with my Yoeme eyes I can see the inner workings and harmonies of this world, this universe, how ever many may be my culture claims Five but could be indefinitely ongoing, ever flowing outward and in like a fractal eternal, infinite look deep within and you'll find you're part of it too the entire universe is also in you and out at the same time reality is a mindfuck but it's fine, more than fine it's ...

Been facing some personal challenges over the last week, from both flares in my Fibromyalgia and family issues. I try to maintain an ever positive outlook on life no matter what obstacles I'm facing, but often I find I must push through the darkness to find the light in these difficult situations. I must allow myself time to feel what I need to feel, to process my grief and other feelings. With release comes healing, and then the strength to move on. This morning was particularly challenging, and so I put on my headphones, blasted 10,000 Days by Tool at high volume, and this poem came out. It made me feel strong again. My hope in sharing it is that maybe it could help someone else.  I'm facing the abyss  once again I thought I'd left you for good old friend Things are amiss  when they should be golden Trying to be strong  without folding  But I fear this time I may actually break  I may have been given  more than I can take But I must make  m...

very old school style prose, like my pre Hip-hop days.. enjoy! "Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference." -Robert Frost i dream in fermented grains of wild plains and untamed mountains challenging freight trains snow covered passes spring's fragile grasses summer's warm, flirtatious embrace and chilled glasses filled to the brim may your cup over-floweth fellow wanderer, explorer, artist, and poet go boldly forth into the unknown leave behind your family, loved ones, and home and bear witness to scenes few others have seen forge your own path create your own dreams and chase them down despite how overwhelming adversity seems you will experience hunger you will know heartache and pain you will face wildfire and tumultuous rain you may not survive you may never come back but to overcome is to thrive thru suffering and lack we learn who we are our weaknesses and strengths our boundaries our ability to p...

i walk the streets of the city it greets the nitty-gritty day in and day out while we struggle to be pretty if i could i would leave this vain existence behind become one with the bricks and cement that i find as my feet lead me in the direction they desire i'd grow old with the steel fences and barbed wire many are inspired by tall trees and mist shrouded mountains but i am moved by well worn bridges and whispering fountains so let the rivers of afar meander on their way i'm gonna seek solace in the arms of the city for today..................

i stretch myself slowly out of winter’s bitter slumber coaxed awake by the calling of spring and all her empty promises thunderheads swell on the horizon roll thru the sky with threats of thunder and lightning expressing their anger in loud, frightening gestures unleashing warm rains, awakening rivers and springs then suddenly they are gone dissipated leaving behind nourished refreshed bursting life joyful and glorious in all of its abundance the embrace of the warm breeze the vivid colors of the land and sky the touch of the golden sun against my skin i want to soak it all up max out all six of my senses the rolling hills the breath of the trees stirring in the restless air the calls of lazy insects it all culminates in a beauty that’s almost painfully overwhelming i can’t believe i am here in this place at this precise moment in time wandering freely and without care like this day will last forever stretching out into one endless season of sunlight and laughter and bold exploration f...

March 25 th 2008 i stretch myself slowly out of winter’s bitter slumber coaxed awake by the calling of spring and all her empty promises thunderheads swell on the horizon roll thru the sky with threats of thunder and lightning expressing their anger in loud, frightening gestures unleashing warm rains, awakening rivers and springs then suddenly they are gone dissipated leaving behind nourished refreshed bursting life joyful and glorious in all of its abundance the embrace of the warm breeze the vivid colors of the land and sky the touch of the golden sun against my skin i want to soak it all up max out all six of my senses the rolling hills the breath of the trees stirring in the restless air the calls of lazy insects it all culminates in a beauty that’s almost painfully overwhelming i can’t believe i am here in this place at this precise moment in time wandering freely and without care like this day will last forever stretching out into one endless season of sunlight and laughter and...

i stretch myself slowly out of winter’s bitter slumber coaxed awake by the calling of spring and all her empty promises thunderheads swell on the horizon roll thru the sky with threats of thunder and lightning expressing their anger in loud, frightening gestures unleashing warm rains, awakening rivers and springs then suddenly they are gone dissipated leaving behind nourished refreshed bursting life joyful and glorious in all of its abundance the embrace of the warm breeze the vivid colors of the land and sky the touch of the golden sun against my skin i want to soak it all up max out all six of my senses the rolling hills the breath of the trees stirring in the restless air the calls of lazy insects it all culminates in a beauty that’s almost painfully overwhelming i can’t believe i am here in this place at this precise moment in time wandering freely and without care like this day will last forever stretching out into one endless season of sunlight and laughter and bold exploration f...