Renata Carmen Writes

We all need to give ourselves some positive self-talk every now and then...... i am gorgeous inside and out i am sexy without a doubt i am witty i am fun and spontaneous i am strong i am brave and courageous i am intelligent, always curious i like to fix things i’m a gearhead (no really i’m serious!) i am unique i am creative i am quiet and understated i am simple i am natural (make-up is overrated) i’m a survivor, outliving others RIP my fallen sisters and brothers i’m the one who got away but also the one who always gets caught i cannot be stolen or bought music is my essence dance is my being my third eye’s open and seeing it's so liberating, so freeing i’m a lover, not a fighter a back scratcher and biter smartass, narrator, and (of course) writer always seeking truth, knowledge, and answers to eradicate hate, ignorance, and cancers some days, the world beats ya down gotta pump up the Ego and flip-turn that frown cuz emotions like sadness and anger will only blind you and put y...

I present my first massive, first guest list, first Raver's Digest article: Electric Daisy Carnival, June 30th, 2001 (Hansen Dam, SoCali son!).  Re-reading this for the first time in years, I sound kind of smug (and this was before I was an Angry Junglist!), and certain aspects of the author's mindset are so foreign to me now it almost seems like a different person wrote it. But I was young, and very proud of the underground... and I guess in many ways I still am. Here it is, in all of its unedited glory. Enjoy. 16 years old and kandi beaded up! Note: I was known as NadaClu, hence the nickname, and this was when we had pagers, before cell phones got big, so each Raver's Digest staff member had a designated pager code ID number, mine was 31.  I've been going to small parties ever since I went to my first rave in '99. The biggest party I'd ever been to had around 6000 capacity. I'd tried many times to make it to a massive, but failed ...

Originally written on a scrap of paper coming down off of gawd-knows-what, back when I was getting deep into the SoCal Rave Scene. A beautiful piece of teenage rebellion against conformity.  let me melt into the carpet and seep into the floor scrape me off the ceiling and make me whole once more untangle me from these spider webs i so lazily spun myself set me daintily on a cloud so i can float through life with stealth toy with my hair feed bittersweet thoughts into my ear take me far from this place because im sick of being here don’t let them transform me into the fraud they think i should be i’ll keep rebelling against the system til i die or lose my sanity if i can hold myself together then i’ll stay strong if i keep my mind open i can never be too wrong let me continue to be a shock as long as i have energy let me walk tall while being the individual known as me

reset flow so good you'll want to read it slowly hand crafted for you by the one and the only renata hernandez a.k.a. number thirty-one (she braids werdz into poetry just for fun) its been such a long day, am i ready for a long nite? my mind's beginning to fray and body feels wound and tite but i think i can rebound for the night cuz 26c knows how to put the sound and vibe together right i round up the homies and we take flight for the Orion and to my delight there's no line at all, just the usual slight gathering of promoters standing near the door always handing out more and more flyers to passerbyers by the score we pass through security and enter: the first floor where house pours through speakers, bass cabinets and onto the floor leaving behind a muck that's crusty and unsure a constant reminder of raves from before i scrape it off my shoes as i walk upstairs to check out the funky trance that blares into people's faces it erases any traces of d...

faltering in her silent steps she cries aloud. the light overwhelms the senses. come darkness! save me from the truth. envelop me with your star-studded veil. don't let her see our technicolor dreams, for her plastic thoughts will pollute the universe, and she will only smile

(originally written on the back of scheduling sheets from a Mann theater I worked at) he calls out to the sweeping patterns painted upon the sky confusion sends him spinning off course the colors won't stop bleeding into each other so how could he possibly stay within the lines? everything's all chaos there's too many angles where there should be curves delusions crowd his head all screaming at each other, insisting that they be heard "shut up!" he shouts "i am in control!" nothingness laughs back at him, so loud that silence builds to an unbearable level something inside him snaps and the Transformation is complete or is he even changing? too many questions for too small a space he can feel the air molecules pressing in on all sides he tries to fight it but something tells him to let go that arguing with gravity and other such forces of nature would only end with him getting hurt so he relaxes and allows himself to melt into the breeze in doing so he be...

March 3 rd 2008 City of Angels: Underground style jungle party in LA!!!!!  Jungle jungle jungle!!!!  My heart races, thoughts pound, feet skip, as we near the brick building on the corner of Broadway and 38th in downtown.  My City of Angels.....its so good to be back!  Too long have I been chasing the mainstream scene in the Inland Empire and Hollywood, too long have I neglected my underground roots for big names and bottle service.  Now here we are, back on the streets where my love, my addiction to BASS all started.  I am excited to be back here, and the feeling only grows as I near the front entrance and suddenly hear barred windows shake and rattle with a bassdrop released from within.  My belly tingles, and I can't wait to be inside.  I already know in my head what it will look like.  We will enter thru the frontdoor (hurry up get inside, no standing in the street u will burn the venue!!!), and only guys will be searched, and e...