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5/21/2020, 7:20AM -
I should be in bed still, next to my man sleeping past nine, like the night owls we are. Instead, I find myself bowled over with pain, gingerly sipping sparkling water and clinging to my bong like it's a life-preserver. My IBS has been flaring up again in ways I haven’t experienced since the initial onset of my Fibromyalgia in 2011. It feels like I swallowed poison, or a nuclear bomb went off in my abdomen. The pain is sharp and intense, and makes me cry out when it grips my insides with clawed hands. But, chaos has no mercy, and this is my burden to bear. Like Paul, I’ve asked God/Chaos/whoever/whatever’s up there to take it away. But, this is my roll of the dice, and there's no taking it back this karmic go-around. It’s exhausting, to be honest. I can barely keep my eyes open. The only things keeping me awake right now are pain, nausea, and the feeling I may need to use the bathroom. Again. For the millionth time in the last 35 minutes. Before 2011, I didn’t know it was possible to go to the bathroom this much, and not be left an emaciated husk after.
Oh, speaking of, here we go again…
It may just be pee from all the sparkling water, but we’ll see...
And I’m back.
Thankfully, it was just pee. It can get quite exhausting having to “evacuate one’s bowels” with such volume so frequently. Or, as I like to say, shit like a fat man after chili burgers - only, I have these recurrent issues regardless of how clean I eat. Thanks to the Fibro, I understand the issues of the obese and the elderly far too intimately for a 35 year old, 135 pound little chick.
This may be TMI, and you might be tempted to walk away now. But, there are millions of people stuck in this situation who can’t walk away from it. We’re too shy to share our experiences because people like to pretend we don’t do unseemly things, like go poop. Yet, we all do it at least once a day (hopefully - if not, you might want to go see a doctor). I’m not saying we need to dance around with it or make poop art or anything like that. What I am saying is sometimes, some people are miserable, and feel compelled to keep it to themselves out of the fear they'll make others uncomfortable. No one should ever suffer in silence.
Right now, my suffering is poop related. Hear me roar.
Well, that was liberating.
While I was on my way back to the couch from the bathroom, I grabbed a cup of herbal mint tea I’d had steeping. Don’t worry, I washed my hands first! In this day and age, we’re all washing our hands like a global tribe of obsessive-compulsives. If it wasn’t for the pandemic, I’d be seeing my doctor about getting some labs done, just to make sure it really is just IBS/Fibro ish causing this extreme pain and duress, and not something more serious. However, COVID-19 scares the shit out of me (if there’s any left to scare away), so I’m not going anywhere near a medical facility unless my symptoms become unbearable, or until, A) We actually understand what this virus is and how it works, and B) We have a thoroughly tested, safe, efficacious vaccine. Until then, I’m keeping my broken/special/compromised immune system (insert Broken Matt Hardy meme here - fellow ‘rasslin fans, you get me!) as far away from people as possible. Also, nearly a decade of experience has taught me that 99.99% of the time, when it comes to Fibromyalgia related issues, there’s almost nothing doctors can do for me anyway. Modern medicine is excellent at fixing broken limbs and replacing hips, but the puzzles of the immune system, inflammation, and chronic conditions have yet to be properly managed by the Western world… And oh my, I have to run to the bathroom again!
That came up quick, like a sudden storm. I am thoroughly exhausted, and hopefully done for now. It’s been an hour straight of running between my couch and the toilet, as though I were hosting a marathon between the two. But, my stomach gurgles and growls, and I’m not so sure the storm has cleared yet. So, I stay awake, marooned here in the living room while my man snoozes away in our cozy, dark bedroom. He’s the best snuggler in the world, and I could be there right now. It might as well be lightyears away, rather than feet.
Pity parties never get us anything, however.
My gratitude list extends far beyond one plant medicine. But, I think I’m done writing for now. Because I think I’m done pooping. Which would be awesome.
Because I’m So. Fucking. Exhausted.
I might even get to snuggle my man for a few before he gets up for work.
That’s another one for the gratitude list ;)
Stay home and stay safe everyone!
I should be in bed still, next to my man sleeping past nine, like the night owls we are. Instead, I find myself bowled over with pain, gingerly sipping sparkling water and clinging to my bong like it's a life-preserver. My IBS has been flaring up again in ways I haven’t experienced since the initial onset of my Fibromyalgia in 2011. It feels like I swallowed poison, or a nuclear bomb went off in my abdomen. The pain is sharp and intense, and makes me cry out when it grips my insides with clawed hands. But, chaos has no mercy, and this is my burden to bear. Like Paul, I’ve asked God/Chaos/whoever/whatever’s up there to take it away. But, this is my roll of the dice, and there's no taking it back this karmic go-around. It’s exhausting, to be honest. I can barely keep my eyes open. The only things keeping me awake right now are pain, nausea, and the feeling I may need to use the bathroom. Again. For the millionth time in the last 35 minutes. Before 2011, I didn’t know it was possible to go to the bathroom this much, and not be left an emaciated husk after.
Oh, speaking of, here we go again…
It may just be pee from all the sparkling water, but we’ll see...
And I’m back.
Thankfully, it was just pee. It can get quite exhausting having to “evacuate one’s bowels” with such volume so frequently. Or, as I like to say, shit like a fat man after chili burgers - only, I have these recurrent issues regardless of how clean I eat. Thanks to the Fibro, I understand the issues of the obese and the elderly far too intimately for a 35 year old, 135 pound little chick.
This may be TMI, and you might be tempted to walk away now. But, there are millions of people stuck in this situation who can’t walk away from it. We’re too shy to share our experiences because people like to pretend we don’t do unseemly things, like go poop. Yet, we all do it at least once a day (hopefully - if not, you might want to go see a doctor). I’m not saying we need to dance around with it or make poop art or anything like that. What I am saying is sometimes, some people are miserable, and feel compelled to keep it to themselves out of the fear they'll make others uncomfortable. No one should ever suffer in silence.
Right now, my suffering is poop related. Hear me roar.
Well, that was liberating.
While I was on my way back to the couch from the bathroom, I grabbed a cup of herbal mint tea I’d had steeping. Don’t worry, I washed my hands first! In this day and age, we’re all washing our hands like a global tribe of obsessive-compulsives. If it wasn’t for the pandemic, I’d be seeing my doctor about getting some labs done, just to make sure it really is just IBS/Fibro ish causing this extreme pain and duress, and not something more serious. However, COVID-19 scares the shit out of me (if there’s any left to scare away), so I’m not going anywhere near a medical facility unless my symptoms become unbearable, or until, A) We actually understand what this virus is and how it works, and B) We have a thoroughly tested, safe, efficacious vaccine. Until then, I’m keeping my broken/special/compromised immune system (insert Broken Matt Hardy meme here - fellow ‘rasslin fans, you get me!) as far away from people as possible. Also, nearly a decade of experience has taught me that 99.99% of the time, when it comes to Fibromyalgia related issues, there’s almost nothing doctors can do for me anyway. Modern medicine is excellent at fixing broken limbs and replacing hips, but the puzzles of the immune system, inflammation, and chronic conditions have yet to be properly managed by the Western world… And oh my, I have to run to the bathroom again!
That came up quick, like a sudden storm. I am thoroughly exhausted, and hopefully done for now. It’s been an hour straight of running between my couch and the toilet, as though I were hosting a marathon between the two. But, my stomach gurgles and growls, and I’m not so sure the storm has cleared yet. So, I stay awake, marooned here in the living room while my man snoozes away in our cozy, dark bedroom. He’s the best snuggler in the world, and I could be there right now. It might as well be lightyears away, rather than feet.
Pity parties never get us anything, however.
I sip my tea and hit the bong and focus on cultivating an attitude of gratitude. Which is hard when you’ve been in extreme pain and nauseous on and off for days. Gratitude lists always help me, and right at the top of it is cannabis. If it wasn’t for this amazing plant, I’d be thoroughly fucked. I’m allergic to/intolerant of so many meds, it’s easier for me to tell doctors what I’m not allergic to instead of what I am. Smoking helps immediately with symptoms like nausea and pain. I’d be puking in addition to shitting every morning if it wasn’t for this plant. In fact, I’ve found it to be the best anti-nausea medicine on the planet - and it doesn’t knock me out like dramamine and other meds. Eating cannabis helps with chronic issues like pain, mental fog, and emotional overload. I’ve got some homemade infused oil in my tea right now, and I can feel it infusing its magic into my gut. I can use it topically on my achy joints, infuse it in baths...the applications are almost endless. And, I don't have to worry about allergic reactions, addictions, or overdoses.
Cannabis soothes my tired body, mind, and soul.
My gratitude list extends far beyond one plant medicine. But, I think I’m done writing for now. Because I think I’m done pooping. Which would be awesome.
Because I’m So. Fucking. Exhausted.
I might even get to snuggle my man for a few before he gets up for work.
That’s another one for the gratitude list ;)
Stay home and stay safe everyone!
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