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Women experience three general stages in life: Maiden, Mother, and Crone. The Crone represents wisdom, experience, and the final phase of life for women. In other words, The Crone represents life after menopause. Menopause is an inevitable part of every natural born woman’s life. It takes about ten years to complete from the onset of initial symptoms, known as “perimenopause.” When a woman hasn’t menstruated in more than a year, that is known as menopause. Menopause is actually the easy part, it’s getting through the ten years or so of perimenopause leading up to that point that’s difficult. Hot flashes, night sweats, mood swings, changes in body fat composition, changes in sleeping patterns, increases in anxiety and depression, digestive changes -- all those things you hear about and read about and we make light of like on That 70’s Show and Fried Green Tomatoes. It’s always funny when it’s happening to someone else, but when it starts happening to you, things you once laughed at you are now crying with. It becomes a total nightmare, one that you can’t escape, you can only try to smooth over, and at the end of the ride you’re that much closer to death’s icy grip. Facing the finality of one’s own mortality is perhaps the hardest part of the menopause process.
Most women don’t start experiencing menopause symptoms until they’re in their fifties. However, a small percentage of the population will experience menopause earlier than that. When experienced before the age of 45, it’s known as “early menopause.” When experienced before the age of 40, it’s known as “premature menopause.” I am 35, and last year, I started experiencing extreme changes in my monthly cycles. Literally one month everything was normal, and the next, it wasn’t. Since the age of 15, I have had to miss a day of work or school because my menstrual cramps are so severe. I’ve tried everything you can think of to manage the pain, and even a few methods you haven’t that I’m pretty sure have only been discovered by the School of Renata’s Self-Experiments. That’s a topic for another time, but one that I mean to come back to. Then, last year, I had a cycle without pain. It was unnerving more than alleviating, like when the monster “dies” in a horror movie, but you know it’s just lurking under the surface, waiting to strike when you least expect it. That was my only sign. I haven’t had a normal cycle since. They started coming literally every 7-10 days after that, which is nerve-wracking because bleeding that frequently ain’t right, and a massive pain in the ass. Once a month is more than enough, but every weekend? Really?
So, I saw my primary care physician, who referred me to an OB - which I know I needed to see and not my PCP, but stupid insurance makes you jump through hoops and makes everything take longer - and we did labs. Lots of labs. I feel like it’s 2012 again when my Fibromyalgia was coming on long before I was anywhere near a diagnosis. This dance again? The fighting for your right to be heard, to make sure they don’t think you’re crazy or making stuff up. Sigh, this dance again. Well, here we go, I’m well versed in it… So we did lots of labs, and turns out, I’m one of the lucky few who gets to experience Premature Menopause. I found out my mom also experienced it, at almost the exact same age. I also found out that having an autoimmune disease like Fibromyalgia increases the chances of early onset menopause by several factors. After finding all this out, my OB wanted to make sure nothing else was going on, so she scheduled me for an ultrasound. When that came back apparently abnormal, she scheduled me for a hysterosonogram. You can read about that horrific experience here. When that came back normal, and my blood work showed very low - as in almost 0 - AMH, she concluded that I do indeed have premature menopause. I was ready to hear all the different options available to me to help ease this transition. Instead, she only offered me birth control as a way to manage my symptoms, and told me if my irregular bleeding continues to call and schedule another appointment.
How fucking worthless, and what a waste of time. Birth control? Really bitch? I know we have much better ways of managing menopause symptoms than with just birth control. And yeah, my fucking irregular bleeding is still happening, it’s called fucking menopause! My bleeding is never going to be normal again.
So, I have to call and request another OB. Do the dance where I hunt around until I find a doc who knows wtf they’re talking about and actually gives a shit. It’s so sad that we have to fight to be our own advocates, but here we are.
I swear if men experienced menopause, we’d have it all figured out and they’d have a fucking Blue Chew for it.
Instead, for all our modern day tech and developments, menopause remains a general mystery that must be suffered in silence.
Well, I’m here to get the fucking conversation going.
Because this fucking sucks. And I know that there has to be a better way of managing it. No one should ever have to suffer alone, in silence. And I can't help but feel like I could have been warned that I was at risk for early menopause. We know it runs in families, and it's also tied to autoimmune diseases. Why couldn't I have been told? If I'd have been educated, I probably would have planned my life differently. I never planned to have children when I was younger, but just in the last two years I started considering the possibility. If I'd have known my clock was ticking, I would have handled things differently in my twenties, and I'd have had some eggs frozen. I would have given myself more options. Now, I don't have any. Now, I'm out of time. And I'm in deep mourning over that.
This is my first step. I’ve never publicly talked about it. Part of it has been denial. When we talk about something, it becomes real. But mostly, I’m so scared of being seen differently, or no longer valuable, or no longer thought of as "sexy." I’m so scared to be at the last phase of my life when I’m barely through the first half (if I’m lucky I’ll have at least a good 70 years on this plane). I’m terrified of the unknown that comes with this change, of the new potential health risks I have to manage now that my body is no longer producing estrogens - like osteoporosis, strokes, and cancer. I’m so grateful to have my mom as a living example of someone who remains healthy, productive, desirable, and driven regardless of premature menopause. I at least have her example and guidance.
And maybe I can turn my suffering to good and provide a good example and guidance to others doomed to follow similar paths.
We'll get through this, and dare I say, learn to enjoy and honor this phase of life, together. Because the right now is all we have, and I'll be damned if I allow menopause to rob me of time, joy, and experiences the way I allowed Fibromyalgia to over the last decade.
You are stronger than you know. You are the Mother, Maiden, and Crone. You are the moon, and love, and light. You are enough. You’re more than enough just the way you are.
Most women don’t start experiencing menopause symptoms until they’re in their fifties. However, a small percentage of the population will experience menopause earlier than that. When experienced before the age of 45, it’s known as “early menopause.” When experienced before the age of 40, it’s known as “premature menopause.” I am 35, and last year, I started experiencing extreme changes in my monthly cycles. Literally one month everything was normal, and the next, it wasn’t. Since the age of 15, I have had to miss a day of work or school because my menstrual cramps are so severe. I’ve tried everything you can think of to manage the pain, and even a few methods you haven’t that I’m pretty sure have only been discovered by the School of Renata’s Self-Experiments. That’s a topic for another time, but one that I mean to come back to. Then, last year, I had a cycle without pain. It was unnerving more than alleviating, like when the monster “dies” in a horror movie, but you know it’s just lurking under the surface, waiting to strike when you least expect it. That was my only sign. I haven’t had a normal cycle since. They started coming literally every 7-10 days after that, which is nerve-wracking because bleeding that frequently ain’t right, and a massive pain in the ass. Once a month is more than enough, but every weekend? Really?
So, I saw my primary care physician, who referred me to an OB - which I know I needed to see and not my PCP, but stupid insurance makes you jump through hoops and makes everything take longer - and we did labs. Lots of labs. I feel like it’s 2012 again when my Fibromyalgia was coming on long before I was anywhere near a diagnosis. This dance again? The fighting for your right to be heard, to make sure they don’t think you’re crazy or making stuff up. Sigh, this dance again. Well, here we go, I’m well versed in it… So we did lots of labs, and turns out, I’m one of the lucky few who gets to experience Premature Menopause. I found out my mom also experienced it, at almost the exact same age. I also found out that having an autoimmune disease like Fibromyalgia increases the chances of early onset menopause by several factors. After finding all this out, my OB wanted to make sure nothing else was going on, so she scheduled me for an ultrasound. When that came back apparently abnormal, she scheduled me for a hysterosonogram. You can read about that horrific experience here. When that came back normal, and my blood work showed very low - as in almost 0 - AMH, she concluded that I do indeed have premature menopause. I was ready to hear all the different options available to me to help ease this transition. Instead, she only offered me birth control as a way to manage my symptoms, and told me if my irregular bleeding continues to call and schedule another appointment.
How fucking worthless, and what a waste of time. Birth control? Really bitch? I know we have much better ways of managing menopause symptoms than with just birth control. And yeah, my fucking irregular bleeding is still happening, it’s called fucking menopause! My bleeding is never going to be normal again.
So, I have to call and request another OB. Do the dance where I hunt around until I find a doc who knows wtf they’re talking about and actually gives a shit. It’s so sad that we have to fight to be our own advocates, but here we are.
I swear if men experienced menopause, we’d have it all figured out and they’d have a fucking Blue Chew for it.
Instead, for all our modern day tech and developments, menopause remains a general mystery that must be suffered in silence.
Well, I’m here to get the fucking conversation going.
Because this fucking sucks. And I know that there has to be a better way of managing it. No one should ever have to suffer alone, in silence. And I can't help but feel like I could have been warned that I was at risk for early menopause. We know it runs in families, and it's also tied to autoimmune diseases. Why couldn't I have been told? If I'd have been educated, I probably would have planned my life differently. I never planned to have children when I was younger, but just in the last two years I started considering the possibility. If I'd have known my clock was ticking, I would have handled things differently in my twenties, and I'd have had some eggs frozen. I would have given myself more options. Now, I don't have any. Now, I'm out of time. And I'm in deep mourning over that.
This is my first step. I’ve never publicly talked about it. Part of it has been denial. When we talk about something, it becomes real. But mostly, I’m so scared of being seen differently, or no longer valuable, or no longer thought of as "sexy." I’m so scared to be at the last phase of my life when I’m barely through the first half (if I’m lucky I’ll have at least a good 70 years on this plane). I’m terrified of the unknown that comes with this change, of the new potential health risks I have to manage now that my body is no longer producing estrogens - like osteoporosis, strokes, and cancer. I’m so grateful to have my mom as a living example of someone who remains healthy, productive, desirable, and driven regardless of premature menopause. I at least have her example and guidance.
And maybe I can turn my suffering to good and provide a good example and guidance to others doomed to follow similar paths.
We'll get through this, and dare I say, learn to enjoy and honor this phase of life, together. Because the right now is all we have, and I'll be damned if I allow menopause to rob me of time, joy, and experiences the way I allowed Fibromyalgia to over the last decade.
You are stronger than you know. You are the Mother, Maiden, and Crone. You are the moon, and love, and light. You are enough. You’re more than enough just the way you are.
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