Renata Carmen Writes

Oh  so  very flared up today and the last several days. Have been battling vertigo and brain fog pretty bad. Please pardon any typos or poorly constructed sentences as a result :) Spring is rough on my Fibromyalgia due to fluctuations in barometric pressure. Just gotta ride out a few more weeks. Then the weather should stop fluctuating from Winter to Summer, and finally settle into the warm glories of Summer in Vermont. Besides the ticks, mosquitoes, and poison oak, this place is heaven during the warmer months. Heaven all year really, if you're into the four seasons thing. Which I totally am. But I digress. I'm not here to talk to you about nature or the seasons or Vermont. Not  today,  anyhow. Today I want to share something very important to me, and maybe it will help someone else too. Living with a disabling chronic illness can be a total mindfuck .  There's a reason medical professionals tend to automatically dole out anti-depressants when a patient is dia...

Been facing some personal challenges over the last week, from both flares in my Fibromyalgia and family issues. I try to maintain an ever positive outlook on life no matter what obstacles I'm facing, but often I find I must push through the darkness to find the light in these difficult situations. I must allow myself time to feel what I need to feel, to process my grief and other feelings. With release comes healing, and then the strength to move on. This morning was particularly challenging, and so I put on my headphones, blasted 10,000 Days by Tool at high volume, and this poem came out. It made me feel strong again. My hope in sharing it is that maybe it could help someone else.  I'm facing the abyss  once again I thought I'd left you for good old friend Things are amiss  when they should be golden Trying to be strong  without folding  But I fear this time I may actually break  I may have been given  more than I can take But I must make  m...

Today, people across the globe people will be celebrating The 4/20 Holiday, and in this great year of our lord 2015, we do have a lot to celebrate! After over 70 insane years we're finally seeing some progress towards the end of Cannabis Prohibition!!!! We've legalized medical use of Cannabis in 23 states , with nine more pending, along with its recreational use in two states , with an estimated 10 more pending. People of all ages and from all walks of life are openly discussing spiritual and medical uses of Ayahuasca, MDMA, and Psilocin - topics that were only for the wild fringe just five years ago. This makes me more optimistic than I could have ever hoped to be that in my lifetime we will continue seeing much needed change in the way we view and manage mind altering substances.  Hmm...haven't we been down this road before? But, we must not get complacent. We must remember there are still many states and nations that do not yet have safe access to Cannabis, even medica...

Well folks it's that time of year again! The warming months bring us many wonderful things here in New England, like birds, frogs, and summer rains, along with less desirable elements such as mosquitos and ticks. And, rumor has it that this coming Tick Season is supposed to be particularly brutal. Hooray. Ticks are my newfound nemesis since moving out here last year. Prior to that, I'd lived in areas that didn't host the evil bastards in such profusions. My super awesome companion animal/kitty friend/Thunder-Buddy-For-Life, being a Norwegian Forest Cat , has a long, dense coat that ticks just love to get up in and crawl all over like they're in Brazil at Carnival or something. And it's not just her I'm worried about, it's myself and fellow Pink Monkeys that reside in the house as well. We all love to get out for moderate hikes and walks. So, how do we protect ourselves and households? Staples like natural bug-repellent candles, screens that don't have ...

Breaking the poetry back out. This is a recent one, just wrote it last week. For my fellow "Spoonies", "Chronic Badasses", or anyone on the struggle...Keep up, stay strong! We all have moments of weakness in our battles - this was one of mine that I managed to turn around in the end.  For me, freewriting is one of the best forms of therapy. Hope you enjoy!  Please tell me that I'm strong enough for this When you look at me do you see my pain or strength? I'm trying to bend like a willow in the wind but I feel I might crack I fear I may break If I did a good thing then why  Why do I  why do I feel so sad? Why do I feel so bad?  why do I cry?  Why am I so beat down it's just a hurricane blowing everything around Flipping my world upside-down Heavy is the head that wears the crown These thorns in my flesh are spread all around Heart and Mind pound Feeling heavier than gravity Wanna crawl into a deep, underground cavity and rest  Say I did my best as I bre...